Learning to grieve…

I did everything but grieve in a healthy way. I canceled therapy appointments because I didn’t want to tell her what happened and ignored this whole grieving process. I acted like I was fine. I kept my dad’s cell phone near at all times. I would sit in my car after dropping my daughter off at daycare and break down in a panic. I couldn’t handle noise like music because my own racing thoughts were so loud.

I’m so thankful for family because I just wasn’t able to be a parent, wife, employee, business owner, and handle what I was going through. This was Years a stuff completely built up with my dad and I was hurt, angry, confused…I was all over the place. Each day brought a new set of challenges.

After struggling with severe insomnia, anxiety, and bouts of depression, I decided to get back to church. Two Sunday’s in a guy came up on stage to share his testimony about his nephew committing suicide after his daughter was born and how much of a wreck he was as well. After hearing the full testimony I knew I needed to truly face things head on. Give this to the Lord, and do the work i needed to, to work through this. I called my therapist the next day and set up and appointment. She also being a believer has helped me through so much and though it has NOT been easy, I feel like I’ve truly started to work through things in a healthy way and I’m in a place where all of the bad does not consume me. It’s still hard but I’m not drowning, I wouldn’t even say I’m treading. I’m at least taking those strokes and some days they may be weaker than others and some days I need a break, but I’m moving forward and that is what matters. I miss my dad like crazy and I still have times where I just don’t believe it is true. I don’t believe he is gone. But he is, and this is my reality now. I need to face it and try to do some good with something tragic….

Published by Kathleen Pielhop - Midwest Mama -Creator

I took over my father’s blog September of 2017 after losing his battle with mental illness. This blog was originally to share my journey through grieving, finding peace, and trusting God in the process...and in many ways is exactly that. This has evolved into life as a family of 4 with 2 dogs, living in the Midwest. I will cover everything from fashion to our family routines. Join us on this crazy adventure!

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